The People Across the Street: The Dumbasses

I HATE the people across the street. I wish rude and stupid* was illegal instead of just intensely annoying.

My house is (intentionally) far enough from the center of town that there are driveways and garages; not many park on the street. Until the Dumbasses moved in with their four people and five cars. A garage, double driveway, and two spaces in front of their house cannot seem to contain them.

After their surprise to learn I considered it rude that the Mr. decided his nightly parking space should be smack-dab-center in front of my house in the middle of my two and a half spaces, even when there were absolutely no cars parked at their house, they did cease parking here.

But they're sliding back into their careless, haphazard parking habits. For the second weekend in a row, their driveway is empty but one of their vehicles is abandoned directly in front of my house. I effin' do not want to look at it. If I wanted to look at cars, I'd buy a house beside a used car lot.

I seethe with rage. I spend 37.5 hours a week with no control over my life, and then come home to find a further lack of control over my surroundings. I HATE it. I hate that it turns me, generally a pacifistic person, into someone who wants to slash tires.

A year or so ago there was a FOR SALE sign on their house; a SOLD sign went up almost immediately! My heart rejoiced. But I was being toyed with. They're still here.

Realistically I know there could be much worse neighbors. But I still hate them.

*For ages they evidently didn't realize there was enough space for TWO cars in front of their house, and they still have not grasped the fact that their driveway is wide enough for two cars.
*How can you be unaware of the unspoken etiquette that you use your own parking areas before you overflow to others?
*Their house is the view I have from here at my computer. They ARE good for a laugh: almost every time I see them leave as a group, one or two minutes later they return for something forgotten.
*These are the people whose outdoor Christmas lights I commented on enjoying -- in February.

Bathing Robin

Oh, I wish I had a video camera. Quite often I prefer word descriptions of something over pictures, but this is one time where words cannot do it justice. By the end of the longest bird bath I've ever seen I was quivering, trying to hold in my laughter so I wouldn't scare off the robin.

This poor baby's mother apparently never taught him how to bathe. He flew up to the bird bath, paced around the edge a bit in preparation, then plopped down in the middle of the bird bath and sat. Just sat like a little statue. For a good 15 or 20 seconds.

Then, realizing something hadn't gone quite right, he got back on the edge and paced again, then plunked himself back in the middle of it again and sat. Just sat. For a good 15 or 20 seconds.

Then, a little perturbed, he got back on the edge and paced again, then plopped in the middle and sat. Just sat. For a good 15 or 20 seconds.

Back to the edge again; more pacing; splash down in the middle of the bird bath, but the fourth time was the charm! He thought to slosh his wings around -- it gave the feathers on the top of his head a cute crew-cut look.

I thought that might be it, but the kid had stamina. He got back on the edge, paced a little, plunked back down in the middle and sat. Just sat. Whoops. Didn't quite have cause and effect together yet.

Back to the edge; pace; plop; splash! Now he's got it. And away he flew.

Just as I quit laughing and was about to write about it while the six rounds were fresh in my mind, he came back. Evidently once he got the hang of it, he wanted one more go-round.

Elkhart Jazz Festival

Friday...

Elkhart Jazz Festival weekend. The important point for those of us in the office? The food vendors will be set up on Civic Plaza in time for lunch today! Most years you find the B&T crew chowing down on festival food, and I'm guessing this year won't be any exception. hmmm. Hot forecast again; better wear something cool.

Next day...

Not typical festival fare, but I'm glad they have the sirloin tips and red potatoes vendor again. SO yummy. The booth wasn't open when we got to the plaza (I overheard a few floating phrases that made me think they were waiting for the health inspector to give the okay to open), but I remembered them fondly enough from previous years that I stood in line and waited. I don't eat beef often, but I may have to make another trip downtown today for food, if not the music.

And in case anyone is worried that I'm not a true Hoosier, we did browbeat one of the guys into going out again later in the afternoon to bring back a stack of elephant ears. Nothing says summer in Indiana like fried dough. You may think I'm kidding, but I know from the time I spent on the Jazz Festival committee that the years when they do not have a vendor selling elephant ears, they get complaints. The public has their priorities, and deep-fried dough ranks right up there!

This is the 22nd year for the EJF. Again from my time on the committee, I know longevity of this sort is unusual for festivals. Kudos to Elkhart for managing to maintain a highly-respected festival for so many years. This year they've moved the free stage from the block of Main Street right in front of Civic Plaza to the grassy knoll directly east of it (what they are now calling "Central Park"). While lunching on the plaza yesterday it seemed odd not to have the flurry of set up of the stage going on around us while we were eating. Less exciting. But as a practical matter, crowds will move more easily with this set up. With no stage in Main Street, there is plenty of space for people to mill around in front of the food vendors on the plaza and Festival headquarters. And the free stage is tented this year so there will actually be shade! They are also encouraging people to bring their own chairs and blankets to spread on the grassy area behind the tent. Cool; has my stamp of approval -- I'm sure that's important to them. =D

Hope they have a great festival!

Rhapsody in Green

Elkhart's 30th Rhapsody in Green, but this evening is the first time I've gone. Island Park entirely covered with festival food vendors, and a Mick Jagger wannabe on the bandstand: what finer entertainment could you ask for on a lovely June evening? *tongue in cheek* I shouldn't be a smart ass though. In reality, the people watching was pretty good. I had three faves.

One of the interesting people -- the gal with wings tattooed on her back. Really. Life-sized wings. Well, what would be life-sized if a person actually had wings. I'm assuming she wore the backless top to display them in all their glory.

Second interesting person (group of people) -- I was with my friend Becky, and we ran into her son. On that island of 100's of people, I could've given you information that would've made it possible for you to identify him. Me telling you what he was wearing and that he was a hottie in his early 20's wouldn't have made it possible. With the crowds, it would've still been tough even with the additional information that he was strolling the island with an entourage of three attractive girls. But if I added the fact that said posse of girls were all dressed like Paris Hilton (in a land of funnel cake- and elephant ear-eaters), I bet you could've picked him/them out of the crowd.

And the third interesting person stayed on my mind. I hope his evening had a happier ending than the part I saw. A little boy (probably around 10) I spotted moments before he dropped his just-purchased hamburger face-down on the straw-covered, muddy ground. I waited, thinking his family would be around to come to the rescue, but with a stiff upper lip he picked it up, deposited it in a nearby trash can, and took off at top speed toward one of the exits. Bugged me. I hope his family was there, that he wasn't alone. Wish I'd been faster and checked and offered to buy him another burger if he was alone and didn't have money for one. He didn't cry, but I wanted to.

Y M C A

Can you even see the letters, much less hear them, without mentally hearing the music? And really, don't you have to restrain yourself not to go into motion? The Village People have a lot to answer for.

I had occasion to mention the actual YMCA today at the office, and I haven't been able to get the freakin' song out of my mind since then. Oy.

That may be one of the most powerful songs ever.

Truth in Packaging

I'm officially pissed. I gave Melster Candies a pass at Christmas, but they're doing it again for Easter, and this is just unacceptable.

To give you the background I'll have to admit a shameful secret: I love those digusting chocolate-covered marshmallow santas and bunnies. There; I've admitted it; we're talking the equivalent of Peeps, and I love 'em.

Anyway, I'm a realist. I realize that inflation happens -- either prices go up, portion sizes decrease, or both. I may not like it, but such is life.

But Melster is trying to fake us out. Their price remains the same but there are a couple less bunnies in the package, the cardboard container and the individual foil wrappers are the same size, so you think you know what you're getting. Wrong. You peel open your first bunny of the season to find that the 5-7/8" long foil wrapper that in years gone by would have contained a similarly-sized bunny now contains a 2-7/8" long bunny. SHAME, SHAME on you, Melster, for deceptive packaging; packaging your product in foil that is two times longer than the content.

SPAM

Occasionally it's like a train wreck. A subject line that's so disgusting/stupid/obscene, you can't help opening the email instead of just deleting it. Tonight it was "Cleanse & Flush up to 20lbs from your colon!" that sucked me in.

First of all, kudos to AOL's spam filter; it caught this little gem. I was deleting spam from my spam file when it caught my eye. Second, twenty pounds? Can you wonder I clicked it open? But then they spoiled it and I started giggling at the first line. "Drop Weight With Your Mate!" How romantic! Drop weight with your mate cleansing your colon. If only everyone had known in time for Valentine's Day! Nothing says love like clean colons.

And then the coup de grace -- I noticed the domain name where the email came from: "lawofficestaff.com". You know, to a legal secretary the pairing of the cleansing of the colon and a law office do seem complementary.